


Party at the Club

by WarnerHedgehog



Category: S Club 7 (Band)
Genre: Gen, Journalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 18:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13723272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarnerHedgehog/pseuds/WarnerHedgehog
Summary: A short thing in the style of a newspaper report about a scientific endeavour involving S-Club 7.





	Party at the Club

There ain't no party like an S-Club party. It's quite a big claim, but is it really true? It has been seventeen long years of exhaustive research, but Ohio boffin Jonas Sludge has now concluded that it is indeed the case that there ain't no party like an S-Club knees-up. His scientific paper, published today in Kerrang! magazine, cites his personal experience of parties thrown by the likes of Jay-Z, Ed Tudor-Pole and Jacob Rees-Mogg.   
When he first heard this claim, he simply had to test it to see if it stood up to scrutiny. His first step was simple: for a comparison to be made with lesser shindigs he knew he had to attend and monitor an actual S-Club party. He gained access through celebrity animated character and mutual friend Windy Miller: Miller had been hanging out with S-Club for several years and was a man in the know. Miller put Sludge in contact with Reggie Winelodge, the band’s animator and it was Reggie that got Sludge in and on the path to scientific discovery.  
At each party he went to, Jonas carried out a set series of moves and actions, each designed to help Sludge quantify the level of fun generated: This apparently included stopping moving as well as waving his hands in the air like he did care.   
His eventual conclusion after literally some parties was that S-Club parties were unique and unlike any other social gathering ever held.  
This has naturally stirred up a hornet's nest of controversy amongst the party throwing hyper-vain celebrity elite, especially the ever-so-reserved Joe Pasquale. The squeaky-voiced manic comic made plain his displeasure at a red carpet event in Hackney, “Science dunno what they’re on about do they? I chuck the best bashes and that washed-up group of lemons pale in comparison, so don't bring them up again.”  
Sludge stands by his paper and refuses to be moved, although it doesn't matter much now as the members of the one-time vocal dance group are now a bunch of middle-aged, saggy old geezers like you and me and their parental responsibilities put them well beyond fun and enjoyment.  
For now, there ain't no S-Club parties.


End file.
